Most of us at some point in our lives feel terribly lonely. We don’t like to admit it, but we feel that the party is happening somewhere else, and that we aren’t invited. I’ve been there, and sometimes, when I let things get out of sync I pay that place a visit.

Here are what I consider to be the three most important steps to a meaningful social life, and finding that special someone. If you’re skeptical (and I know I would have been a few years ago) – try it for just a month: I promise you the results will, if you put the work in, change the way you think about your relationships.

1. Ditch Instant.

We live in a world of instant. Food at the drive-through, TV on demand, and catch-ups at the end of a call. With the advent of the internet in particular, our needs are increasingly only a few clicks away. But with this comes a temptation to treat the world- and people in particular, as disposable, replaceable, dime-a-dozen products that we can always come back to when we feel we want them.

How many times have you not replied to a message online? How often have you blocked someone you were chatting to? How often have you skim-read a profile or responded with a lazy ‘not bad, yourself?‘ If you’re anything like me, a shameful amount. Don’t.

Some of my closest friends, and my greatest relationships would never have happened had I written those people off at the first hurdle. You aren’t hiring for a job. Your messages aren’t CVs. Your Facebook friends aren’t candidates. Give people the chance to get to know you, to cultivate something worthwhile. If it’s worth having at all, it’s worth working towards and waiting for. Ditch instant.

2. Listen.

I remember a few years ago watching Skins alone in my room, and wondering how many of the characters were so popular. I’d seen people like them when I went out clubbing, and ‘knew’ many ‘internet celebrities’ who could lay claim to a similar scene online. I would watch cute boys at the club, surrounded by other cute boys, and wonder what sort of secret it was that they all shared- what mystical element that escaped me, bestowed them. Truth is, there isn’t one- they were either ridiculously good-looking, had contracts with Channel 4, or ..they listened.

If, like me, you’re not ridiculously good-looking and you don’t have a career in television, you have two very useful tools at your disposal: your ears. I’m amazed at the amount of first dates I’ve had with guys who just couldn’t stop talking about themselves, what they did today, who they work for, which celebrity they ‘almost’ met at the weekend. I’m sure it works for the fitties- what wouldn’t? But you know what- it bored me senseless. It doesn’t matter if you’re the most interesting person in the world, fair airtime will get you a long way with people. Ask questions, resist the temptation to be passive, and really get to know the person sat at your coffee table.

3. Get Hurt.

If ditching instant and listening more is the key to better relationships, getting hurt ..or rather; the acceptance that you might get hurt, rejected, humiliated even- is the door you have to walk through.

It’s easy to message somebody online and say hi, it’s a bit more difficult to ask them if they’d like to meet for coffee, but I implore you: do it. Nine times out of ten your gusto will be enough to get you a date, the other ten percent is part of the game: take that on the chin.

A last word of advice.

Cultivate, nurture, and care for the relationships you create. Don’t just jump from one prospect to the next. The thrill of meeting someone new is intoxicating, yes, but ultimately, old friends are better than new faces.